Martial Artists as Role Models.
There is a problem in the making here. Maybe this is something we should be looking at with some urgency?
I took my son to his first karate class shortly after his 5th birthday. It was clear that he wanted to learn, and so I escorted him along to a class which was only a short drive away.
It wasn’t a Wado class, it was another mainstream style, but, at the at point, it didn’t matter. I sat at the back of the class in a community hall and blended in with the other parents, curious as to how he would cope, and also how the instructor would manage this group of mostly under seven year olds. I have to admit, I came away unimpressed; not with the style of karate as it was presented (what little I saw of it), but with the instructor’s mannerisms, ways of talking to very young children and turns of phrase; he just wasn’t a natural with the kids – it made me wonder if he’d got any of his own?
I think we stuck at it for a couple of months, but the evidence was stacking up; this wasn’t going to last. Finally, enough was enough and a ‘plan B’ had to be found.
Plan B was to try another club, one that I knew about but was much further away, but it was a Wado club and I was aware of the instructor and knew that he was an all-round good guy, having met him at a personal level. I had trained with him, but I had not actually seen him teach.
From the very first class it was a revelation; his natural rapport with youngsters was truly inspirational. He was kind, attentive, measured, reliable, calm and had a gentle non-abrasive humour. He was strict when he needed to be and set clear boundaries; in short, he was a man to be respected. The youngsters looked up to him for all his positive qualities, and he wasn’t just a mouthpiece, he could do it as well.
Here was a guy setting up as a suitable and admirable role model for youngsters, and particularly young men. For young guys he was a perfect mentor. I know for a fact that so much of this came out of his natural strength of character, but also his lived experience – his own personal circumstances involved coping with tragedies and set-backs that most people would struggle to come back from. This is no brash, strutting alpha male bully, his composure alone gave him the aura of gentle assured strength and confidence.
My son trained with him through into his early teen years, and then, as if through a gentle transmission, gradually moved to training regularly at my Dojo. This all happened with typical graciousness as befitting such a kind considerate gentleman.
My son George, aged 8 with Wado Ryu grandmaster, Otsuka Hironori II at headquarters in Tokyo.
By telling this story my intention is to highlight the scarcity of such men in the lives of young guys. At a time when they are needed the most, they seem to have gone AWOL. Currently there is a vacuum and it is one that is being filled by the wrong type of people. More of that later.
Mentors.
Ask most men of a certain age if, in their developing years, they were ever influenced by anyone they might consider a mentor, and a huge majority of them will admit that this had indeed been the case for them. A young guy as an apprentice in a trade might willingly be taken under the wing of an older more experienced tradesman, who will act as an inspiration, a guiding light in all things technical and beyond; someone with life experience and wisdom that might help a young man through whatever rocky shoals he is trying to navigate at that time in his life.
I have heard this happen to many of my friends, whose inspiration came from sports coaches, youth leaders, community stalwarts and, yes, karate teachers.
These mentor/mentee relationships are often fleeting; they sometimes collapse or become redundant as the mentee outgrows the situation. Sometimes the personal flaws of the mentor become apparent and causes irreparable rifts, it served its purpose and was useful for a time but it ran its course. This is just the ephemeral nature of human relationships.
Men stepping up.
The books of Australian psychotherapist Steve Biddulph first alerted me to the whole ‘mentor’ thing. His first significant publication, ‘Raising Boys’ (and later, ‘Manhood – A Guidebook for Men’), became a go-to book for parents with boys.
Biddulph really gets under the skin of what boys need to survive in the real world as well-adjusted and balanced members of society. But he is not afraid to take a swing at the older generation of men who he feels is letting the current generation of (young) men down. He wants them to stand up and take responsibility for all young men in their community, not just those who are connected to them by genetics.
The targets of Biddulph’s ire are those guys I picture as a particular type of metropolitan male who comes home from their nine to five working life and commute and instead of dusting themselves off and stepping forward to become a youth coach or a scout leader, just hunkers down in their armchairs, to crack a can of beer, Netflix etc, saying ‘screw the world, I am safe behind my bolted door and my ‘Ring’ security; it’s nothing to do with me man, and by the way, why are those scallies out on the street trying to break into my Audi? I blame the parents!’… no, I blame you.
Biddulph’s views on the ‘Mentor system’.
There is real wisdom in old societal systems, and Steve Biddulph points out that the idea of ‘mentors’ is as old as humanity. In ‘primitive’ tribes young men are taken away from their mother’s arms at the age of seven and put into the capable hands of the older male hunters, men who are not necessarily related to them, but these are the experts who can teach the young boys how to hunt and survive. Note: it’s not their fathers, and there’s a reason for that…
“When I was a boy of fourteen, I thought my father was an idiot, but now I am twenty-one, I am amazed how much he has learned in seven years”. (A quote sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, but who knows).
Culturally and psychologically father/son relationships can be a little tricky (and I am going to avoid mentioning the whole ‘Oedipus’ thing).
When I was seventeen my father decided to teach me to drive, it was a nightmare, we only did the one lesson. A generation later, the same thing happened between me and my son. Fortunately, his journey into karate happened in a much more sensible, regulated way; probably because it followed the wisdom of the older ‘societal systems’, although I have to admit, more by accident than design.
There is a vacuum – what is filling it?
I will be honest, for boys and young men at the moment, these are not easy times. But this is not a new thing, certainly not an exclusively 21st century thing, although the world we live in now has made things much much worse and has not dealt these young men a good hand.
We have known about the contributory factors for decades. As an example; the achievement gap between boys and girls has always been there, and now we have a huge growth in university applications from young women, which, if it keeps going, is liable to make universities man-free zones, particularly in the humanities. It is examples like this that are causing young men to question their position and role in society. The impression I get is that humanity has moved forward, women have moved forward and many men have been left behind choking in the dust.
And rightly so, they are asking the questions, but look who leaps forward to answer them?? The wrong people.
Now these chancers have always been there, but the Internet has given them a voice.
These types are fairly predictable and you don’t have to scratch far beneath the surface to find out what’s really going on – but what I find particularly disappointing is that the young men who are lapping this up seem to be completely devoid of any critical thinking skills. It’s like Ka the snake in Jungle Book, “Trust in meee, only in meee…”. “Look, shiny things, do you want shiny things?”.
The Internet is the perfect platform for them to act as influencers/provocateurs, there is a glut of strutting pumped-up self-proclaimed Alphas. One in particular, who has been getting far too much media coverage, presents as part of his ‘man credentials’ that he is a champion kickboxer, a martial artist!
As part of my research for this piece I felt I had to watch his videos to make my mind up and be balanced and well-informed. What I observed was something I have witnessed far too often; the spectacle of the mewling’s of an over-vocal ‘man-child’, actually a little boy in a man’s body, it was really sad.
With this individual it was the ‘martial artist’ bit that left me with my head in my hands. You would never hear any serious martial artist say some of the things he said, their quiet confidence and humility would prevent such words from ever forming in their heads, never mind come out of their mouths. This guy was using the language of the playground to describe what being a martial artist meant to him. I saw fear masked as power.
They say that the true transition into maturity is the point where you realise that other people exist in the world apart from you, and that maybe sometimes your needs have to take second place to the needs of others. Compare that with the self-aggrandisement, manipulative, selfish, peacock-strutting, over-opinionated snake oil salesman and you will see the real measure of what is going on.
In all of that painful research I did, I also spotted some things that in the eyes of others might pass for ‘wisdom’; but closer examination revealed that it was either ‘borrowed clothes’ (I could even spot the sources) or the kind of pronouncements that you would hear from graduates of ‘the University of the Bloody Obvious’. I’m sorry, that kind of ‘wisdom’ does not make you an Aristotle or a Friedrich Nietzsche.
Conclusion.
Unpacking all this cannot be done in a blog post, it’s so very complex. But I am certain that karate instructors both male and female, have the potential to exercise positive influence on the lives of young people; often by just being there and being a ‘constant’ in the world.
The very nature of the martial arts, particularly as it manifests itself through Budo, goes straight into the heart of the existential dilemma facing young people today, particularly young males.
Maybe it is the contradictory nature of these ‘ways of the arts of war’ that allows us to cut to the core of human existence? We ‘fight’ so that we don’t have to fight.
Practically and ritualistically we are allowed to dive into the midst of conflict with cold and measured pragmatism; in the middle of that we confront our opponent and we challenge ourselves. If we present ourselves honestly, the sanctity of that struggle should shine through and consciously or subconsciously others will observe this and ultimately it will act as a magnet for everything that is good.
Image credit: Jean Auguste Dominique Ingres, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
it does feel like there's a dearth of quality male role models. i wonder if its because of their quiet confidence, humility and latent strength, they dont make a boast of it on social media like the faux macho do. we dont see them because the latter takes all the attention