Challenges and Duels.
Surely, this only happens in the movies? But no. A true story of encounters with fantasists and jokers.
Quite a few years back, at one of my midweek karate classes; I had arrived early and was sat in the reception area of the small leisure centre. I was just chilling out and waiting for the aerobics class to finish in the studio space so we could get in the room and set up for training.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted two young men quizzing the receptionist over something. I couldn’t quite hear what it was about, but she seemed to be pointing in my direction – oh, potential new students, I thought.
They wandered over; I introduced myself, saying that the class would be starting in fifteen minutes. I then tried to give more detail about what we do, how training was structured… one of them stopped me and said, “Training? We’re not interested in training”.
I was confused; did they just want to watch? If so, that was fine.
He continued, “We are here to fight” and, “you do fighting, right?”
My reply was something like, “Yes, as part of the training”.
“No no, we have no intention of taking part in your ‘training’, we are just here to fight”.
I must have appeared puzzled; surely not?
I gave them the look-over; they were not shaven-headed Neanderthals; they had the appearance of what I could only think of as office juniors, the kind you might find in an estate agents, all hair gel and pimples, sporting bad shoes. I was thinking, ‘are you for real’?
Curiosity got the better of me, I had to interrogate this more, so I quizzed them as to why they had decided to approach me with this bizarre (and frankly disrespectful) request?
To be honest, only one of them did the talking, the other just stood there looking sheepish.
The spokesman explained that they were from a local kung fu club (I will decline from mentioning the style for fear that people might assume that all practitioners of this style are like this – I know for a fact that it just isn’t true). He said that their Sifu (teacher/Sensei) had instructed them that if they want to improve and get promoted they were to go round to local clubs and challenge them.
Are you serious? Are there actually people out there who buy into this fantasist hogwash? At any moment I half expected him to start badly lip-synching into American English. (‘Fist of Fury’ anyone?)
(Note in the clip the first ‘Japanese’ guy has his hakama on back to front).
I was quite taken aback by this surreal situation. I think that the better angels of my nature came to the rescue, as I explained that this was not how things were done. I didn’t quite climb on to my soapbox, but I was tempted. Also, the ‘darker angels of my nature’ were whispering away in the background; it would have been so tempting to… but no… to go down that path is to lose the moral high ground – besides, I’m not that insecure.
When it finally dawned on them that they were getting nowhere, they just scuttled off.
It’s funny how, after these types of events you always come up with a catalogue of things you should have said. The French call it, ‘L'esprit de l'escalier’ or ‘staircase moments’, smart things you could have said, but only found them as you were at the bottom of the stairs leaving.
I found myself irked over two factors; one was the mentality of their Sifu (really, I didn’t blame them, they’d just stupidly bought into this bunkum). But, methinks ‘Sifu’ had just watched too many kung fu movies.
The other thing was the off-hand dismissal of the chance to train, which in itself could have led to opportunities to spar; now that would have been a far better way of getting something positive out of it. Everybody wins. But no, maybe that didn’t fit with the intended narrative?
I myself have stepped into other people’s Dojo or onto the mat and emptied my mind with the assumption that I have something to learn here; mindful that this is their space and I am a guest and will behave with due humility and openness – but this is certainly not what these two clowns intended. I suppose it’s rolled into the package that for them to prove themselves, they have to disprove you and everything you’ve worked for.
I think I had a year to ponder this, mull it over and puzzle about the mentality that could have cooked up such a juvenile script. Though, in all probability, after a couple of weeks, I’d just dismissed it from my mind.
And then, it happened again.
Two different ‘estate agent’s clerks’, same ‘Sifu’, same script, but this time I was ready for them. In fact, I found myself falling over my words to express my opinion, and I was much more forthright than the previous time. I think I ended up with a message for their ‘Sifu’; ‘stop living in a fantasy world and grow the hell up’. Needless to say, he never came knocking. And, strangely, that was the last time they darkened my door.
A few words about ‘Dojo Yaburi’ or ‘Dojo Arashi’ (‘Dojo breaking’ or ‘Dojo storming’).
Historically, in Japan (and probably China) such a thing did exist. If you look at it objectively a ‘challenge’ attack on another Dojo was really an over-dramatised and extreme method of discrediting or shaming a rival business with the hope of closing them down; as well as boosting your own mythology.
But, over time, certainly in Japan, ‘challenge matches’ morphed into ‘Inter-style training exchanges’ supported by some sort of proto-rule system and then into what we now know as martial arts competitions. If you want to try out your skills there are plenty of opportunities to do so, and all under the protective umbrella of more sophisticated and carefully constructed rule systems.
Maybe somebody should have told the above-mentioned Sifu that this option was available? Hell, until very recently, we have even been operating open fight sessions (with appropriate safeguards and insurance), now that could have worked. But no, it would have spoiled Sifu’s careful (though deluded) plot.
Another thought that occurred to me; what if it all got messy and somebody got injured, something beyond a fat lip and a bloody nose? Nobody wants to get entangled in that legal mess.
And the tale continues.
I would like to say that those were the only instances I had experienced, but that is not the case.
This was a few years after the above-mentioned incidents.
We used to have club Xmas get-togethers, in the times before Covid and before everyone suddenly had works-style Xmas parties they felt compelled to attend, and on one such get-together we booked a large table at a local Chinese restaurant.
The whole evening was jolly and light-hearted, everyone was really getting in the swing of the Xmas spirit. The restaurant staff were happy because lots of drink was ordered and we were just having a good time. The waiters were chatty and friendly, in all, a perfect evening.
Then one of the Chinese waiters asked a question across the table, “So, you are a local karate club right?” We nodded, so he then said, “Which one of you is the teacher?” I stuck my hand up.
“Only, our chef is a kung fu master, and he wants to fight you.”
For a second, everyone went silent… and then we just burst out laughing – the waiter laughed too, and that was the end of the matter.
Funny how these things happen.
Image credit: Movie poster, ‘Duel of the Seven Tigers’ 1979 IMDB.
Coming up in the next Substack:
Sunday 19th March the next instalment of ‘Karate – an alternative story’. This is part 3 and if you want to read it in its entirety, rather than just a free taster, sign up to the paid section of this Substack project. Always consider rewarding writers for their efforts. Signing up also gives you access to the previously archived material in this project.